heard you were aiming for the playground and missed...
taking a piss in front of neighborhood kids at 8:56 ... AM
listen bro, I hope you don't take offense
but ever since your lady left, there's been a lot of strange arrests
I see you practice mastering the physics of the liquid lunch
...it's hard to talk to cops while you dribble up some little chunks
of breakfast, a pretty unexpected way to end the day
collapsing on a plastic mattress at eleven twenty eight ... AM

yeah, take it hard, take it straight to painful scars
don't get doubts involved, just focus on the alcohol
don't control your anger, take it out on total strangers
don't ever make apologies, escalate it constantly
stop going to work, you're just not in the mood
stop going outside and stop shopping for food
eat pizza for weeks, keep the vodka out to wash it down
plus some oxycontin, now...sleep peacefully chief

it's an easy mistake thinking we could relate ...you're wrong, buddy
see, nobody gives a fuck, that's why therapists cost money, trust me
...breakups are hard, man, I sympathize completely
maybe you should try suicide, that's really kinda easy
it takes some practice to stay distracted from the naked fact
that she will never take you back, it's already fade to black
before you face the pain of really changing your life, though
let's celebrate the mistakes you could be making tonight, br
before we start it off, you should buy the bar a shot
or watch your party stop abruptly in the parking lot
I’m not a narc or cop, but this should probably end
cuz some people want to kill you, like, all of my friends
I bet you never tried getting high with high school kids
buying ‘em booze to awkwardly act like they like you...DICK
a few suggestions, bro, cuz you look like a dude with questions
and I don’t have a single fucking clue that you could get with
take the cougar in the Daisy Dukes back to the ladies room
while a bunch of other drunk and disgusting couples wait for you
that's what you need...a lady with a passionate streak
who can leave a patch of crabs across the back of your Jeep
...or maybe you'd prefer little Susie Lucifer
all she really wants is someone new to shoot up on the roof with her
either way, tonight's the night for a cheap mistake
so put the tab under Humpasaur Jones and keep the change...

dedicated to dudes out stalking their exes
that is bitchmade bullshit that cannot be respected
if you can’t live without her, you should probably end it
cuz you’re basically a waste of your Mommy’s investment