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Brainsticles

from Keep it Moist by Humpasaur Jones

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lyrics

something up, we crush a club with humpafunk
but my fans get kicked out once a month
yeah, he's fucking drunk -- that's not what I mean
you're assistant bartender, not the police
don't get cocky with me, that's a classic smirk
and I invented it in third grade, get back to work
it's crazy to blame me for your broken dreams
or how your favorite waitress is coming home with me
face it, mike -- you're not getting laid tonight --
every day I give wasted kids the same advice --
be entertaining, polite and maybe she'll bite
probably not, be graceful, call it a loss
walk away, get over your stalker phase
in this modern age, that gets you locked away
the uncircumcized drunk pervert guy
making songs with the latest on his dirty mind
I'm just trying to hit some thick college thighs
and I got these poodles whining "hip hop has died"
what? I give a shit if stupid kids ruined it?
I'm doing this cuz music is a lubricant for groupie chicks
nobody's asking you to make the sacrifice
stay up half the night, try and tag a nasty-ass hermaphrodite
but you did it, though, congrats dude
here's a bag of fast food and condoms from the bathroom
this bar's more depressing than a gang bang
I keep it space age, time for a name change
you're not famous till you hit las vegas
drunk and blazed, with an underage hot waitress
fight the cops naked, and wake up at the station
facing a raging case of litigation
people get pissed when the bouncer's a dick, but it's really not up to me
cuz baby if it was, we'd all be fricking buzzed, plus getting in the club for free
but that's a luxury, nothing's cheap, and we pay for every puzzle piece
it's that evening waltz ego loss with no recovery

it's humpasaur jones and my flow is so addictive,
I'm known for leaving stoner chicks with motion sickness
I'm not a retard, sweetheart, life is just tragic
but the pain you're claiming is psychosomatic
fine with me, I'm just living how I'm living
and twisting hippie women into intricate positions, listen:
the great american ape is truly doomed
monkeys in a movie zoo, chewing on a rubix cube
slaves to the matriarchy, you came to party
they came to strip you naked and take your car keys
you think you're rugged, but kid, you dealt with nothing like this
Young Republican chicks with muzzle and whips
Daddy's in congress and she's back from the tropics
laughing and vomiting apologies and promises
sex was orgasmic, wrecked like four mattresses
smashed and broke, afterglow like torched plastic
people say my space rap is getting sorta routine
...it's important to me, cuz I feel I'm in orbit at least, you know?
yeah, probably not, I'm just truly plastered
acting goofy, spastic and too enthustiastic
about the newest batch of nuclear weapons
see, I call em -- the solution for the human infection
a lot of kids got it mixed up and it's obvious
why you talking shit? you should be stalking tits
wasn't thinking to exhibit some survival traits
my mistake -- I figured we'd be drinking like an Irish wake
you know, puking time and space off of some fire escape?
yeah, now that's my kinda day....

credits

from Keep it Moist, released July 7, 2007
Beat produced by DJ Multiple Sex Partners.

Recorded and Mixed in three crazy days at Liquid Wet Studios -- respect to Chris Dizzy.

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Humpasaur Jones Vermont

The rawest, the dumbest, the most articulated and the least authentic. All bars, zero tolerance.

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